October 21,2016 two boys ran down a quiet neighborhood in Berwyn .Behind the two boys was a big black and white German shepherd dog.Also was police sirens on the next block ! The boys were looking very suspicious they both had on hoodies and also had their hoods covering their face .The neighborhood was in south berwyn in the state of IL . The two boys were two white males and their hoodies had a high School name on it . “Morton west” with a little logo on the top of the hoodie.An elderly women around her 70”s said that. “Those boys are up to no good” that saw the two males heading towards the end of the corner.Her husband had just gone done parking his 2016 Dodge charger car.Her husband was very distraught hearing bad things happening in his neighborhood.
A couple things that are needed in in your writing is better vocabulary choice and your grammar. You would at times have no spaces and not give correct punctuations for a sentence. Along with that you at times use the incorrect words to describe situations. However, I do appreciate you giving lots of detail to your writing. Just know that when you are writing, you can leave out unnecessary details.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, you give a good image of what is going on within your story. I say you truly need grace notes, they can be very benificial to your writing giving the reader a better understanding of what their reading. And do pay good attention to your quotes and how you use them. I feel like you put in a quote at the incorrect time; misleading your reader. Overall, I feel like you need lots of improvement toward your wordplay and structuring of your writing.